


Christmases Present

by kayura_sanada



Series: Fanfiction.Net Archive [5]
Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Christmas, Established Relationship, M/M, Pretty Anti Relena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 13:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13124904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kayura_sanada/pseuds/kayura_sanada
Summary: Duo and Relena haven't spoken to one another since that day. But for Heero's sake, Duo's willing to try one more time. He is unsurprised by the outcome of such an endeavor.Originally posted on ffnet from 12/13/13 to 01/28/14.





	1. Christmases Past

It was that pink limo. It had always kind've chafed, seeing something already gaudy turned super-ostentatious by that horrible paint job. And of course, everything it entailed about the woman riding inside. Frilly, frou-frou, sweet, innocent little Relena Peacecraft, the girl nearly like a child.

Duo pinched his nose and glared at the tuxedo Heero had rented for him. So he was being mean. Couldn't he be, at least in his own head? It wasn't his fault the girl was a brat.

He sighed and pinched a little bit harder. Okay. Heero wanted him to be there at that woman's horrible little Christmas Ball, and by God, he would make it. So what if they hadn't spoken to each other since the last time he'd seen that god-awful limo? She'd thankfully scrapped the piece of shit after the uprising and had gone for a sleek silver thing that Trowa ooh'ed and ahh'ed over every time he saw it.

And if he was fair, he wouldn't blame the poor, abused machine for what the bi –  _brat_  had chosen to do. And it was  _Heero_. Never in his life had he been able to refuse a request made by that stoic bastard, and today would fall in line with the rest of them. He'd known that as soon as Heero had tentatively brought it up over dinner two weeks ago. The very first moment 'Duo, Relena's hosting a Christmas party' passed those lips, Duo knew he was sunk.

So here he was, in his room, facing off against the penguin suit Heero had graciously paid for (Duo wasn't a damn saint, he couldn't be expected to both attend and willingly pay money for a damn suit). He should just put it on. Gods knew he'd spent enough time primping his damn self in the bathroom; thank everything Heero had gone in to work to file a few documents (or whatever the excuse had been; it had given Duo some privacy and that was all that mattered).

Heero didn't know why Duo and Relena didn't get along. He didn't know why the two of them never spoke to one another. They went out of their ways to avoid even seeing each others' face. And no one could fool Heero Yuy; he knew something had happened. But Duo had always laughed it off and said, "princesses and paupers don't usually blend well, Heero," or some other nonsense, and Duo couldn't be arsed to care what Relena said on the matter.

That fucking limo. He grabbed the damn tux and got to work, pulling the pressed silk pants on and grumbling about that stupid pink car. He'd fallen for it, same as Heero and Quatre and Noin and whoever else had ever seen the wretched thing. Because he'd thought she was kind and innocent and the only reason they'd never really gotten along was because, well, because princesses and paupers usually didn't blend very well.

And he and Heero had managed to get past all the bullshit between them, Heero's stoicism and Duo's clown act, and beyond anything that could be conceived possible, they managed to form a relationship, and Duo had still been high on the idea of it all when she'd arrived in that horrid pink monstrosity and stood in front of him as he prepared to move his things from Hilde's salvage yard to Heero's condo. (Easier for Duo to just get another job than for Heero to give up his Protect the World mentality, after all.) He remembered beaming at the girl because what the hell wasn't there to beam about? He could actually understand the whole 'the world is rosy' shit that always appeared in romances.

He pulled on the silk shirt and struggled with the buttons on the cuffs. Who the hell invented these things? You needed a servant to put the stupid things on.

He took a deep breath through his nostrils and contorted his fingers until he could slide one button through its hole. The second took a little longer; he was out of practice with his left hand. He would have to go to the shooting range in the next few days, or else the weakness would keep him up at nights.

She hadn't been smiling at him. That had been his first clue, and back then, when the uprising had only been over for a few days, his entire body tensed. He was ready for a gunshot, for a declaration of war, for the news that Zechs, who had managed to ooze himself out of the Libra in time, had gone psycho again. He remembered the ache of adrenaline in his system when she called out to her butler and took the proffered brown lunch bag. He'd expected a finger, or a hand, and his need to find Heero had pounded through him until he'd felt like his stagnation was Heero's death knell.

Then she'd handed it to him and said, "stay away from him."

Duo nearly ripped the damn jacket sleeve off as he shoved his arm through. If it weren't for the limo, he may have seen it coming. It wouldn't have been as big a shock.

Well, again, the limo was not to blame. But as he looked back, he could see all those little things – the stalker-like qualities, the hero worship, the mad race to become everything he might want her to be – and then the things she would say – ordering Heero to come after her, demanding to see him, the constant need for him – he might have been able to guess it all.

But he'd been so happy, so caught up in those rose-colored glasses, and his mind was only on the end of the battles and starting a new life with Heero, that he refused to see it. So when he'd taken the bag – pure reflex – and opened it to find wads and wads of bills inside, he'd felt sick so suddenly he'd felt bile rise in the back of his throat. She'd been bribing him.

 _Bribing him_. To stay away from Heero.

This time, he had to lean his head against the bureau to cool himself down. He fumbled with the tie for a moment, nearly tearing the thing in frustration when the knot wouldn't cooperate, when strong, callused fingers came from behind and plucked the thing from his hands. "Duo."

And he sighed again, his shoulders slumping. Heero. He let Heero undo the ratty tie and do it properly. Finally Duo met Heero's eyes in the mirror. They were dark, hooded, watching Duo's every move, and Duo knew it wasn't just because he'd come back from work. Duo tried on a grin, but Heero just narrowed his gaze further, and Duo sighed. He was doing that a lot. "Thanks," he said, and motioned briefly toward the tie. Heero huffed and slid it tight, finally curling the collar over it. "I hate these things."

Heero did, too, but he didn't bother to comment on it. They both knew Duo's reaction wasn't to the damn suit. So Heero was going to play the silent game and wait for Duo to cave in and talk.

But this time, this one time, he wouldn't. Because after he'd thrown the money into the little bitch's face – literally, to the point of gently snapping the cord around a wad of the bills and tossing them straight into her pretty blond hair – he'd never spoken about it again. He'd simply moved in, and he'd quickly learned that Heero considered Relena to be like a little sister. And he'd been so obsessed with Heero finding his own happiness that he'd kept his damn mouth shut about the entire thing, until it was too late and there was no point to it.

So he maintained the silence he'd begun four years ago and just picked at the tie, trying to figure out where he'd gone wrong. Heero handed him a pair of black socks – silk, too, only these were bought, and Duo rolled his eyes. Of course Heero would go all the way with this, trying to please Duo. Obnoxious trait of his, and absolutely impossible to not love. And then Heero was changing, too, and Duo took his fill of eye candy. It was his due, after all.

Heero was even more gorgeous as a young adult than as a teen. As a teen, there were still some edges and corners that hadn't been filled out. Never enough to be considered gawky, but enough to make it apparent that he hadn't had time to grow. Now, though, now he stood just an inch above Duo, malnutrition at an early age stunting Duo's growth, and he'd filled himself out. His arms had the smooth ripple of deltoid to tricep to bicep. A couple of veins sat patiently along the edges of the skin of his forearm, trailing down into those hands, curling now around his own cuffs. Duo came over to help.

While he thought he looked like a fool in the suit, Heero was already filling it in rather admirably. His torso sunk just a bit into his waist, making a noticeable dip in the shirt until it tucked into his silk pants. Beneath, already hidden were the equally defined glutes and quads, hourglassing past his knees to his calves. Duo could feel the heat of Heero's skin beneath the thin fabric of the shirt. And while he studied the button and wondered at how he'd managed to get his own done on his own, he knew every inch of it all, and it made his breath stutter. His heart lurched in his chest.

The feeling was the same as the first, and he couldn't believe it. Other parts had mellowed with time – the excitement of having Heero return home every night, the way they'd hugged each other through their nightmares, rare now. The morning kisses. The dinners, kept warm until Duo returned to his job at the mechanic's. The laundry, such a new experience.

All that had faded into routine, some even annoying (the laundry topped that list), but this. These moments, when Heero's scent enveloped him and Heero's skin touched his, and this moment felt like the only one he ever needed. It didn't need the knowledge of how gorgeous Heero was or how perfect the man's hand around him felt. It was the knowledge that Heero was beside him, close enough to breathe in, and knowing without doubt that the man wasn't going anywhere. Security. Comfort. That elusive love. Duo reveled in it again, as he always did, from the first moment Heero had grabbed his wrist and pulled him in for a kiss and demanded they live together, that Duo never leave his side.

He held Heero's wrist even after he fastened the cuff, and Heero merely bent his own head down until they both stood together. Heero's other hand touched Duo's shoulder blade, testing the familiar resistance, and touched his brow to Duo's. The moment stretched, a trail of silk, not rubber, a thread in their tapestry, and it was perfect.

He would never give this feeling away. It was priceless.

* * *

Relena's ball was as ostentatious as he'd feared. She'd rented the concert hall for the event, something which shouldn't be allowed on principle alone. It was decorated with as many silver-glitter items as the state could produce, and each sat on some corner of the wall or hung from the ceiling. It gave glitz to the monochrome glam on the men, which was fine enough, he supposed, only the women wore reds and yellows and greens and the silver sparkles weren't really helping any of them out. Except for Relena, Duo noticed instantly, because she'd chosen a pale pink dress (ugh, memories of the limo) that sparkled well with the silver.

Heero, at least, had the sense to not rush the reunion, and Duo was granted the dubious honor of meeting several people Heero obviously knew through work or association with Relena, and decidedly not because he enjoyed their winning personalities. Duo hated the pomp, but Heero seemed content enough. And it wasn't about meeting all of the morons Heero was forced to deal with through work, any more than Duo would care if Heero knew Joe, who broke his car once a month without fail, or Elliott, who hovered over Duo's shoulder when he worked on the man's twenty-year-old 'antique'. Duo knew he was there to be reintroduced to Her Highness, and by god, he would muscle his way through it.

He steered clear of the liquor, however.

It was over an hour before Heero dared bring Duo closer to Relena. Duo hadn't missed how she'd spent the entire night thus far avoiding the hell out of the both of them, and the lines on Heero's face were getting deeper and deeper by the minute. So Duo took the damn initiative and just walked over to the woman.

What? The night wasn't going to end until they'd gotten it the hell out of the way, and the place was starting to chafe against his nerves. Could a party  _be_  more boring?

Relena saw him coming and gave a panicked deer-in-headlights expression. He'd chosen a moment when she'd been engaged with some old fart's conversation, thus unable to escape, and she looked like she desperately wanted to bolt while Nearly-Bald went on with his spiel on last quarter's finances.

"Relena," Heero said, just behind Duo, and she finally excused herself from Chubby and came to greet Heero. Duo stepped happily out of the way.

"Heero." She held out her hands, and he clasped them. They stopped just short of kissing each other's cheeks. Duo nearly grimaced, but there was that tiny little smile on Heero's face, and he sighed. He was such a sucker.

She turned her gaze on Duo, and those baby blue eyes of hers frosted over. "Duo. How wonderful of you to join us."

Ooh, pretty pastry voice. He wondered if the taste of frosting in her voice was as poisonous as it seemed. "Relena. I'm not really the party type, so I usually just hang back."

She let go of Heero's hands – damn straight – and cocked her head a bit, her smile curling from polite to playful. "Oh, I'm certain you like parties well enough."

Duo opened his mouth to say 'real parties, yeah,' then realized that might not work out well for the whole get-along-with-to-please-Heero thing. "You'd be surprised," he said finally, unable to think of anything else that wasn't pithy, and looked around. So. Much. Glitter. "How's your holiday been so far?" he asked, flailing around for a topic.

"Good. Yours?"

Duo chanced a glance to the side, only to find Heero's eyes narrowed at the two of them. Well, hell. "It's going great. Heero and I both got off work for both Christmas Eve and Christmas, so it'll be the first time we're able to have both days off. I'm really looking forward to it."

It was true, but it had the added bonus of making Heero soften into another tiny smile, and that made Duo gushy and warm and fuzzy and completely unprepared, dammit.

"Oh? Can you afford to take both days off?"

The voice was pure concern, but Duo's back straightened, anyway. Her smile was perfect, not too large or too small, her head still tilted, though a little less, as if concerned. But those damn eyes were spitting at him, and he couldn't help but remember the last time they met.

" _Keep your money. I'd rather go back to the streets than take this trash."_

He took a deep breath. "Actually, we have enough money to start planning a vacation. Thanks for the concern, though."

"Oh? I guess even mechanics can make enough if they're with someone."

Duo didn't bother asking how she knew about his job; he knew a few things about her, and it wouldn't surprise him at all to hear Heero had spoken about him to her. It was nice, though, to know. Another warm fuzzy. "I guess so."

"That's wonderful. I would never have thought you'd manage it." She flipped back her hair and waved away another glass of wine from a passing waiter.

"Well, when you try, all sorts of things can happen." Duo waved him away, too, though he suddenly wanted to get hammered.

"All sorts, hm? I've seen even hard effort fail before, however. You must be lucky." Saccharine smile. Stupid pink glitter dress.

"Luck is a part of skill, you know." He tried to smile back.

"It must be hard, though, struggling through such a mediocre job. Heero must help out a lot."

Smile gone. Screw it. "I pull my own weight, thanks."

"Oh? I would think he would simply help you through, if you asked. Didn't he always do that for you during the war?"

"I wouldn't ask."

"No? What a relief. Though I can't imagine he would like someone who couldn't pull their own weight in some way or another. It's good that you can. Though why aren't you in Preventers? Didn't they want you to join?"

He could hardly speak through his gritted teeth. "I wasn't willing."

"And they didn't offer you anything to get you to come? I'm surprised. They offered great deals to Heero for coming to join them."

"Guess I just can't be bought, then, huh?"

Duo stopped there, appalled. Relena had the deer-in-headlights look again. Adrenaline shot through his veins. His breath gasped in and out. Good god. His hands were even curled into fists. What the hell was wrong with him? He really was out of practice. Working as a mechanic was a lot more honest than being a thief or a Gundam pilot, but what the hell had possessed him to be  _that_  honest?

He turned on his heel and walked away.

What the hell had he been thinking? This entire horrible night was for Heero, and just like that, Duo had ruined it. Any chance to make up with the damn princess was gone; the old anger and hatred was churning up all over again. And dammit, it wasn't his fault! The little bi –  _brat_ was to blame for both fiascos. But he was in charge of himself. Even if he had no self-control when it came to this shit. For Heero's sake, he should have...

A light touch, and the wind was knocked right out of him. Just the tips of those fingers on his shoulder, and nothing else mattered. Even now. "Duo?"

He turned to Heero. The man's eyes were dark again, scanning him. Reading him to his core. And Duo could only give Heero a small smile, one that didn't reach his eyes. A tired smile, but one dredged up just for Heero. Something in his lover uncurled. Ridiculous that after all this time, Heero thought Duo's hatred could be turned on him. "Sorry, Heero. I guess we really don't mix, huh?"

But those eyes only narrowed, and those fingers dug gently into Duo's skin. "What secret are you keeping from me?"

Duo gusted out another sigh. How the hell many was that now? "It's not really a secret, Heero. Just some old shit that happened between us." He held up a hand. "It's old news, and it's not really my story to tell." He couldn't even come up with a reason to tell it. Not after all that time. "Just... I'm sorry. I know you wanted us to get along. And it's been so long, I guess I thought..."

But Duo didn't want to say anything that might hint that Relena was at fault, because they both knew damn well that Duo had a temper on him. But Heero's eyes narrowed, and Duo knew he'd filled in the blanks.  _I guess I thought we could, too. But I was wrong._

And Heero left his side.

Duo didn't have to watch Heero's retreating back to know the man was going after Relena. Well, shit. If that was how the night was going to go down, then there was no way he wasn't getting drunk. Or at least tipsy. Tipsy would be nice. Facing Heero down while drunk never really ended well for him, anyway.

It was only after he got the drink that he realized an even better idea would be to get his and Heero's coats and prepare to head the hell home. An argument in public wouldn't really sit well with either of them.

He headed to the front, only to get waylaid by Quatre. The blond was in a white suit, which looked remarkably good on him, and he was of course accompanied by Trowa. Duo grinned at the sight of the two of them. "Hey!" he said, finally happy to be meeting another person at the godforsaken party from hell, and Quatre drew him into a hug.

"Duo! I didn't think I'd ever see you at one of these!" And Quatre pulled him back and looked him up and down. "Don't you avoid Relena's parties?"

"Heero gave me puppy eyes," Duo said, and the words drew a snort from Trowa. Their greeting was one of clasped hands, but the warmth was there nonetheless. Duo grinned and asked after Catherine, and for a moment, things were perfect again.

And then Heero charged up, and there were no puppies in his eyes.

"We're going home," Heero said, as if Duo hadn't arrived at just an idea a few minutes ago. He grabbed Duo's hand, pulled his drink from it, and handed it to Quatre.

"Nice seeing you two," Duo said, and caught the silent 'puppy eyes, huh?' look from Trowa. He stuck his tongue out at the man. Only after Quatre choked out a laugh did he remember that he was wearing a tux.

Getting the jackets was an awkward, silent affair, and waiting for the car to be brought up was pure, freezing torture. Duo huddled into his jacket and scowled out at nothing before Heero finally sighed and pulled him close. Ah. He snuggled into the crook of Heero's arm. Angry, but not too angry. Good. Duo would've hated that.

But when they were finally in the car, the fight Duo was expecting didn't begin. Though he darted glances in Heero's direction, all he got were impressions of white knuckles around the steering wheel and that familiar scowl on that gorgeous face, until finally they were home.

Heero lived on the seventh floor of a fifteen-story condominium, and they endured the awkward silence in the elevator before they finally reached their destination. Duo stepped in, ready to make for the living room, then stopped as Heero took his jacket. By the time Heero had hung both his and Duo's in the closet, Duo was at his wits' end. "Jesus, Heero, just fuckin' yell at me or something."

But Heero just stood there at the entrance of their home, watching Duo with those hooded eyes. Duo's heart leaped to his throat. But Heero had held onto him outside the concert hall, so he wasn't about to storm off. Right?

Duo cleared his throat. "I – when it happened, I didn't want to tell you. It – I mean – I dunno, I was mad, but I didn't..." Thinking back on it, he had no idea why he didn't rant about it to anyone. Even Quatre didn't know. "She was your friend. And, I dunno, your sister? And I didn't want you to choose between the two of us, because – I guess, at the time, I wasn't sure who you'd choose." He was  _not_  blushing. "And then it didn't matter, because it didn't work."

Duo watched those cobalt eyes dissect his words and then jumped as they narrowed. "She bribed you."

His words gave absolutely nothing away. Duo nodded.

"To, what? Help me choose her over you?"

Those words cracked a couple emotions in them, but they were so unexpected Duo stilled for a moment, uncomprehending. Then he stiffened all over again. "What the – she didn't tell you!"

Heero snorted and finally stepped forward. "Of course she didn't. When I demanded an answer, she just started crying. All she could do is apologize."

Duo tried to imagine the girl crying and apologizing and felt his brain crack under the pressure. "You tricked me!"

"You lied to me." That sharp glare pierced into Duo, destroying him for the first time. It had been so long since he'd seen it. "Why didn't you tell me she tried to coerce you? Did you not think it my right to know she was manipulating me?"

"She wasn't," Duo said. "If she tried to do such a thing–"

"If she wasn't trying to manipulate my life, then what was she doing?"

"She..." Duo blinked. Ah. "She wanted me to stay away from you."

Heero stilled. He actually stilled, frozen, a remake of the statue David, before storming up to Duo and clutching his arms. "How is that not manipulating me?"

Duo blinked, dazed by the fury in Heero's voice, amazed the fury swooped around him and not through him. "It was. I just didn't see it that way."

From the tension in Heero's fingers, the effort to not shake him was immense. "And just how did you see it?"

Duo licked his lips. Up close, Heero's eyes were always bluer than the deepest oceans. But now they were stormy skies, outer space itself, deep and dark and deadly. Cold. "She was trying to push me away from you. She wanted me gone from your side because she wanted to be with you. And all I could think was, no.  _No_. I can't let her. I don't want to be kept from your side."

There was no warning. The feral growl was loosed the same moment Heero's lips devoured his own, nearly tearing into his skin, until Duo fell into the void and allowed Heero's tongue access, until Heero was pulsing into Duo's warmth and Duo was destroyed, inch by inch. Heero backed him into the sofa and pushed until Duo fell, nearly floundering, onto the cushions, and Heero surged over him, a dark insistent rush. Heero dug a knee into Duo's groin, rubbed until Duo keened ad jerked up into the motion, and Heero pressed him down again, and again, covering Duo's face with his hands, tilting his head back until Duo thought his spine might break, hovering over him like a hawk over its prey as he pulled every inch of Duo's nerves to his skin. And only then, when nothing else mattered, did he pull away and glare down into Duo's eyes. And Duo, after all those years, was lost. "I love you," Heero said fiercely, as if claiming victory over a hard-won battle, and those eyes glittered. "I love you. Never, never, never hold back from me."

Duo smiled. "I won't. I can't, idiot."

Those hands clutched tight to Duo's cheeks, those fingers digging into the baby hairs on Duo's scalp. "I won't lose you. Not to her. Not to anyone. Not ever."

Duo finally raised his own hands, traced a path from Heero's brows to his jaw, letting just his fingertips rest on that warm skin. "I'm never going anywhere, Heero. She could never buy me from you."

Heero growled and took claim once more, and Duo let him, giving freely, amazed as always that it could continue being like this. He nearly wanted to thank Relena for giving him this sign of Heero's love for him, and nearly chuckled at the thought.

"I will never let her near you again," Heero snarled, and he attacked Duo's neck.

Duo laughed, even as the need curled lower and lower in his gut. "That's good," he said. "Sounds perfect to me."

"I'll deal with her," Heero promised, his breath hot on Duo's neck.

"Mm," Duo replied noncommittally, raising his head to give Heero more access. "Have at."

And Heero did.


	2. Christmases Yet to Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heero copes with the betrayal dealt upon him and the pain of a sacrifice he can never repay.

It was the braid. It got him every time, and thank goodness Duo didn't know it. Like when they'd first met, and Duo had shone that light in his eyes, all he could think was how startlingly beautiful a man could be with his hair like a whipcord behind him.

And that night, when he'd seen just how quickly the animosity could spark between two people he loved, it had been what had caught him once again. Dressed in a tuxedo, perfectly presentable, he looked wild, like Tarzan, all long hair and animal muscles, caged in that facade of civility as he snarled at the woman cutting and cleaving at him. And Heero hadn't been able to believe how she acted, snapping at him like a rabid poodle as he stood, cougar-like, facing off against her petty assault with such strength Heero had only been able to stand and stare. Four years together and everything coalesced into that point: beautiful, wild. Mine.

" _Guess I just can't be bought, then, huh?"_

And it had all stilled, that beautiful, horrible scene, and the tension he'd been watching solidified into a slimy sensation. Lies. Secrets. And not small ones. What had once been niggling doubt became so much more, and worse, and it had burned through him. Duo had lied to him.

But  _that braid_. It was like a damn extension of him. It no longer bounced as he walked, no longer quivered as he made small talk with people neither Duo nor he could care less about. It was like it died. It shuddered in the cold as Heero stood, angry enough to stay silent, confused enough to keep from accusing Duo. Heero remembered the moment very clearly: himself, vibrating with tension as he thought about Duo's reticence and Relena's tearful apology, neither of them having the decency to explain anything to him – and then catching sight of Duo, hunched slightly in his tuxedo, his eyes out on the distance, his body so strong as he glared as if taking on the world, even as he shivered with the strain. And in that instant, he had thought,  _oh, how I love him_. And he'd given in.

Heero looked down, only now able to look beyond his memories. Only a few hours ago, he'd been so angry. He couldn't believe it now. Looking down on Duo as he slept, completely trusting after those first months, when being in the same bed at night had sparked nightmares that had made Heero almost kill Duo once. How could he have thought Duo would hurt him?

No, he thought, very gently touching Duo's bangs, knowing, after all these years, just how to touch to keep him from waking. The truth was so much worse, somehow, than what he'd been expecting. The betrayal wasn't from Duo, but from Relena. The girl he'd seen such hope in, the one he'd chosen to protect at the risk of his own life. His sister, his family. He stuttered in a breath.

Duo had understood that. Even back then, when Heero had barely had the courage to demand Duo stay with him, Duo had known just how important Relena was to him. And when she'd hurt him, Duo had shrugged it off and held it down, stood defiant and alone against her. In order to protect Heero.

He played with a strand of hair for a while. Their lovemaking – and it was still amazing to call it that – had been fast, rough, desperate. Heero had made it so, but Duo had risen eagerly to it. But it had been just fast enough to keep Heero from pulling out Duo's hairband. Duo would be pleased about it; inevitably, the hairband was lost when Heero yanked it out in the middle of sex, leaving Duo scrabbling and grumbling in the mornings. But Heero wanted to sift his fingers through it, and he couldn't. Duo was still hot-triggered to such touches, and though Duo would only roll his eyes and snuggle closer to his chest, he didn't want his thoughts interrupted at the moment.

Because while it was true that Duo had been protecting him, it was also true that Duo had protected himself. Their relationship had been so new back then. So fragile. Heero had hardly shown any interest in Duo before the moment he'd demanded Duo stay with him, and he hadn't known for sure if what he'd been reading from Duo was real. If Duo had pressed Heero to drop Relena, would he have?

But the idea hardly sank in before it fell apart. Because Duo would never have asked. Duo would never have said 'her or me.' It was why he'd hidden the truth from Heero; Duo didn't want to hurt Heero. Duo loved him.

And now Heero had to pull Duo in close and hug him, even though it meant waking him. Duo snuffled, then raised his arms and hugged Heero back. "Bad dream?" he asked, already yawning and curling his fingers into Heero's skin.

"No," he murmured, and felt Duo snuggle into his chest. His nose tickled the fine hairs on his chest. Heero could smell Duo's shampoo in his hair.

"Idiot. Go to sleep already." And just like that, Duo went back to sleep.

Heero leaned his head down enough to take a deeper whiff. Why did Duo's scent always make him so calm? "I love you."

"Mm," Duo said, his hands slackening. "You, too, dolt. Now shut your brain off."

Heero smiled. He didn't bother responding; they both knew he'd be up for a little while longer. It was an old practice. While Duo would pace the house after every nightmare, Heero would stay in bed and fight them off. So while Duo slipped back into slumber, Heero kept his arms tight around him.

What would have happened if Duo was even the tiniest bit weaker? If he'd been swayed in some way by Relena's actions? If his desire to not hurt Heero, to not make him choose, had made him turn away?

Heero's breath sped up. But that thought was just as impossible, wasn't it? Because Duo was strong. Yet the idea of it persisted, a nightmare he'd had in secret that first year, when things had been so tenuous. The idea of Duo leaving, of the odd light he brought with him disappearing, had stolen his sleep. How close he'd come to it happening. All because of one girl's selfish greed.

His eyes narrowed, and he stared over Duo's head at the wall. Their bureau sat there, the mirror staring back at him, and he saw Duo in his arms, that braid lying untamed behind him, Duo's entire body curled close to Heero. His own arms, wrapped around Duo like a lifeline.

He kissed the top of Duo's head, and he knew Duo was still awake because the man huffed against his chest, and he felt those lips curl against his skin.

Never. He would never let this go.

* * *

When it came time to meet with Relena, he did so as a scorpion might its prey. She was in a council meeting that morning. He stood like a sentinel just outside the council room doors, flinty eyes watching them until finally they opened. Of course Relena wasn't the first out; she always stayed back to speak with anyone who had questions, and even then, to organize the room. She would sometimes be within for hours after the meetings if she had nothing else for the day. The men and women who left were all middle-aged, their gazes catching Heero's for only an instant before they turned their faces away.

He entered the moment the last of the members left. There was no one with her, and Heero was grimly pleased; kicking the stragglers out would have simple, and after having flashed his Preventer badge, he wouldn't be interrupted, but the idea of having to shoo them off would have grated. They would have questioned him, would ask Relena if she wanted to be alone, and Heero had no patience for such distractions. It was interesting enough as it was, as he softly clicked the door closed and Relena looked up from a pile of papers she was organizing, a polite smile on her face. It froze when she saw him. "Heero," she said, his name slipping out like a final breath. The papers rustled from her fingers. One fell to the floor.

"Relena." He stepped inside. Her eyes widened slightly at his tone, at the danger he knew exuded from him whenever he was angry. She had once frozen in reaction, and now she was again.

Then her face scrunched up and she lifted her chin. It might have been considered a show of defiance if her lip hadn't quivered. She was trying to fight gravity. Heero couldn't let himself hurt for her. No. He simply had to remember what she'd nearly done, what Duo had held inside for four years as Heero had continued seeing Relena every week. And she had let it all happen, had let Duo keep her secret, had acted as if the reason they avoided each other was because they 'just didn't click'. "Heero," she said again, as if about to say more, but then she stopped. Her throat worked, but nothing came out. She blinked rapidly.

"You kept it from me all this time," he said, and the tears fell. Those tiny fists clenched, that petite body trembled, and though she fought it, they still fell, one after another, and Heero hardened himself to them. "What you did. Behind my back. Hurting the man I love."

A small sob hitched in her throat. "I kn-know," she said, and sniffed, and clenched her fists tighter. "I know that n-now," she said, and ground her teeth at the second stutter. "I didn't then," she said, and took a gulping breath. "I didn't then, and I'm sorry. I thought–"

"Thought I would be happier with you by my side," Heero said, the words dead. While she was tense as a bow string, he was loose, steady. He would have the same stance on the battlefield.

"No!" she said, and the word was so beyond what he'd expected that he found himself pausing. "No, I didn't think that, not once!" And she leaned toward him from the other side of the meeting table, one hand unclenching to curl around the back of her chair. "I knew you didn't have feelings for me. I did. It was so apparent when you – when you came for me," she said, and finally brushed away her own tears. "When it was all over, and you collapsed in my arms, none of it was..." she shook her head. "When there should have been something, there was nothing. So I knew. But I thought D-Duo..." And here she clenched her teeth again, her head hanging. "I didn't think he was the one for you."

Even though Heero heard the words, he couldn't quite believe them. Duo had always been the one. From the very start, he'd risked his life to save a man he'd known only as his enemy. He'd forfeited his own life when he'd seen Duo, bruised and beaten in a cell. Before his mind had known, his heart had. There had always only ever been Duo. "So you decided to go behind my back and get rid of him."

She nodded, still not raising her head. "I d-did." His fists trembled, and he knew she was trying to get a hold of her voice again. "I did, yes."

The rage burst through him like fire. "You had no right," he said, his mind hardly able to form words, but she stopped him, finally pulling her head up to face him once more.

"You were tired and hurting and you needed to heal. I'd seen you with Duo, and you'd always seemed annoyed. Chafed! And then you were clinging to him when the war ended, and I knew the two of you had worked together in the past. What if you were trying to hold on to something you knew? What if..." But she stopped when she saw the look on Heero's face. "I didn't know," she said finally. "I thought you were... rebounding. Or something like that. And you and Duo... you have nothing in common–"

"Duo and I are exactly alike." She startled at that, and the fury from their first months together sprang anew. How many times had the other pilots, had anyone they'd ever met, looked at them as if they couldn't possibly last longer than a day? "He and I both grew up alone. We struggled through every moment of our existences. We accepted death – created death – just to continue our own lives. And we both chose to give up our lives regardless so that the world could live happily. There is no one in this universe who could understand me more."

Her lip trembled all over again, and finally she sagged into herself. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm sorry."

"You nearly cost me everything," he said, and saw her curl tighter. "I never let myself have anything beyond the war. Beyond what I needed to get done. And when it was finally over and I scrounged myself together, you came and – the  _weight_  you placed on him!" He found himself losing the thread of his own argument and snarled. "What you did to him! You made me think there was something wrong with the two of you when it was just  _you_!"

She flinched, but she no longer fought. It was that which finally turned his anger back into a simmer. Still, the taste of it was acid in his throat, in each breath. For four years, this had been going on behind his back. Almost he was angry with Duo all over again, bitter to find he'd hidden such a thing from his partner all this time. But the blame was not Duo's, and he couldn't let his anger fall on those who didn't deserve it.

And still Relena stood, waiting for his next assault; viciously he thought to flay her again. But it was tiring, and painful, and finally he just couldn't do it any longer. "You have been like a sister to me." The words were said much more calmly, yet Relena flinched more violently than ever before. "I saw in you an innocent. A saw in you a child I hadn't been able to save, a goodness worth protecting. And I've thought of you as such ever since." She was once more hanging her head. "What you've done feels like betrayal. Worse, that you never came forward to admit your guilt, but let bitterness claim you. You attacked Duo last night. Your intentions may have been noble, though your methods were disgusting at best – but since? I can't call you sister after this." He heard her hiccup, try to swallow it back. And it hurt, though he'd told himself to not let it. "You chose to continue harboring this secret. You chose to wield my friendship like a weapon." She nodded. "Do you deny it?"

She shook her head. She opened her mouth to respond, but all that came out was a wrenching sob. Finally she closed her mouth and shook her head again. Her tears ruined the papers before her.

"Never set foot near my door again." The words burned in his chest. "And never go near Duo."

She tried to nod, but her entire body shook, and finally she collapsed behind the table, out of his sight. He nearly went to her. Nearly picked her back up. God. He had to close his eyes and take a deep breath. And another, because he almost started asking if she had another meeting, if she was going to be all right. He had to walk away before it was too late.

And so he did.

* * *

Duo met him that night none the wiser. Heero had already made dinner, all of Duo's favorites, and Duo rolled his eyes when he saw the steak and yams. "Really, Yuy?"

"I yelled at you last night," he said, "and took my anger out on you. I'm sorry."

"You were right," Duo said, that beautiful grin on his face, and leaned in to get a good look at the amount of yams in the casserole dish. Duo liked them best with marshmallows because he had an incorrigible sweet tooth. The dish was nearly full, even with the two plates already served. He might have gone a tad overboard. Duo raised a brow.

"I wasn't. What it must have cost you to see me go to her..."

But Duo just rolled his eyes and clapped Heero on the shoulder. "You're an idiot. And yet despite this fatal flaw, you were still right." Duo sat, but he didn't look up when Heero joined him. "It was something that affected you. I should've told you."

Heero blew out a breath, because if there was one thing the two of them could do, it was argue. For a while. So he just pointed to Duo's plate and said, "eat." And of course Duo dug in, because if there was one thing living on the streets had taught him, it was to scarf up the food while it lasted. Heero watched him eat, the swift movement of fork to mouth to plate to mouth, and relaxed. No matter what had happened, the worse hadn't come to pass. Maybe, with time, the sting of betrayal would fade enough for him to allow himself rest. When Duo finished off his plate, closing his eyes in ecstasy at the last bite, as always, he spoke again. "I'm sorry for the burden you carried." Duo looked at Heero, and Heero got to enjoy the bliss in his expression just before annoyance flickered between those brows. "No, just let me finish. I'm sorry for every time I went out with Relena, especially during those first months. I'm sorry you felt my loyalty to you would come into question."

"It didn't," Duo interjected, and tilted his head in challenge when Heero gave him a look. "It didn't. I knew you were loyal to me. I also knew you were loyal to her."

"But you were afraid I would choose her."

Duo couldn't deny it, and finally he sighed. "Just because you would choose her wouldn't mean you wouldn't care about me."

It was times like these that Heero wondered if he really had managed to pull all of his emotions out from the box in which he'd shoved them. It was only the assurances of their other friends that he realized sometimes Duo's convoluted feelings made sense to no one. "I'm still sorry for everything you went through."

It was something Duo couldn't brush off, something that didn't need an argument. These were the words that finally got Duo to lean back and smile, argument finished. Mission accomplished. "It was hard, and scary," he said, the truth that came with capitulation. A warm caress on a winter's night. "But it got us here, to this place, and I'm happy enough for it. I wouldn't trade this ending for anything."

It was always Duo who brought such thoughts into the world. Such an obvious statement that hadn't crossed Heero's mind. And Heero could finally relax enough to start eating. As always, since Duo had finished eating long before Heero, he started his monologue on the day's events. Apparently the annoying customer who liked to peer over Duo's shoulder whenever he so much as looked at the man's machine had come back, this time complaining of an odd sound coming from the back of his car – the tires had gone flat from neglect again. There was plenty of eye-rolling involved in the retelling.

Heero had learned all manners of etiquette during his time with Odin Lowe, and though he'd chosen to leave most for Relena's parties and Quatre's meetings, he still retained the ability to eat at a normal human pace. It took him nearly twice as long to finish, and by that time, Duo had finished a different story of a man who'd come in expecting Duo to accept his word he'd return with the money on say-so alone.

Duo had a way of spinning tales that never failed to make Heero smile. So it was after he'd been properly buttered up that Duo cleared his throat and, like the sneak assassin he was, pounced. "So, what happened with Relena?"

Only because he'd dealt with such surprise attacks before could he manage to swallow his last bite without choking. "I went to see her."

"I know that. I couldn't imagine you not going to see her, since you were so pissed off. Planning goes to the wayside when you're emotional, don't think I don't know that."

He grimaced. Of course Duo knew that. He'd watched Heero turn a terminate mission into a rescue mission, after all. "I spoke with her."

"Good Lord, it's like pulling teeth."

"Don't worry," he said finally, and forcibly pushed the picture of her sobbing from his mind. "We won't be seeing her again."

Duo's smile stilled, frozen. Then it slid off like melting snow. "'We'?"

Heero took in that stare, that carefully neutral expression. "Yes, Duo. We."

Those lips lifted, disbelieving, then dropped again. "Oh." And Duo got introspective and contemplative, and Heero sighed.

"I can't be with someone I don't trust."

Duo's brows were still furrowed, but he didn't argue. No doubt he was hurting for Heero, feeling guilty. Heero sighed. "These dishes can wait. Come with me." And he got up from the table and went to Duo's side. He held out his hand, and without hesitation, Duo took it. Heero tugged him to their bedroom, and Duo was pliant and quiet behind him.

* * *

It took over a week for that pensive look on Duo's face to finally disappear. Heero left work early every day, slept little, until finally Duo smiled at him just that morning and said, "I get it."

Heero leaned back in his office chair – a habit he knew he'd picked up from Duo – and sighed. Sometimes it scared him, how much he loved Duo. It was a foreign concept sometimes, even after four years. He almost wanted that novelty to never wear off, so that he would always appreciate what he had. But if he kept feeling like this – unfocused, out of himself – his work might suffer. Or worse, he might make his partner want to commit suicide.

He took a glance at Wufei, sequestered in the tiny corner office with him, his back to the opposite wall. They faced each other, something Wufei called a curse and something Duo called an opportunity for hilarity. It meant that, unless out on a bust or chasing down leads, they were unable to rid themselves of each other. It made for some interesting stories for Duo.

"Yuy," Wufei said now, not taking his eyes from his computer. "Seat."

Heero sighed and clunked down onto all fours. "Something's wrong."

"Of course something's wrong, Yuy. You always fall into that annoying habit whenever something's wrong in your relationship." He still didn't look up, simply typed something in and waited, finger thumping his desk, for the results to load. "You're lucky this case is boring. I will allow you to speak at me until you figure it out."

Heero huffed a laugh. "Thanks." And he leaned back in his chair again. Wufei sighed. "That fiasco with Relena has been bothering Duo."

Wufei grunted. Heero had told Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa each of the deception, and found none of them to have known about it, either. While he felt slightly vindicated to know he wasn't the only one, it had meant Duo had kept the secret to himself all that time. The thought of it made Heero's vision white with rage once more. "He hasn't said anything about it, but it's obvious to anyone with eyes."

"Even you," Wufei said, and both of them shared a grin for the old joke.

"Usually those moods of his last for weeks."

"Until he rushes stupidly into something," Wufei agreed. He was back to typing.

"Exactly." Heero balanced carefully onto one leg and steadied himself with one hand on the wall behind him. "But this time it was only a week. He came to me and said he understood."

"Duo never understands."

"Exactly," he said again. "So what is he planning?"

"Maybe he isn't planning anything. Maybe he just doesn't want to worry you anymore."

That thought brought him back to all fours. The very idea made his chest clench like he'd gripped it in his fist. Had he made Duo worry enough to put him in that position? With everything Duo had gone through, Heero should have been the one to take care of him. Letting Duo take the burden again was tantamount to failure.

His fingers itched to call Duo at the shop.

"Let it go, Yuy. The two of you are as bad as each other."

Heero frowned. Whether he accepted that or not, he had to let it go at least until that evening. Duo had complained about a trip to a few junkyards that morning, and he wouldn't be back until late. He'd warned Heero to not wait up.

Which meant he should get at least the research on the newest case finished so he could save Wufei more torment. Too bad the coin rolling scam was so dull as to make one's head spin. He looked at the untouched list of banks in front of him and sighed. He might as well get started.

* * *

Heero sighed as the elevator climbed to the seventh floor. He was used to arriving home before Duo, but there was always the expectation of Duo arriving at six. He refused to be later, simply because Heero was a known worrywart. And so they would always eat no later than six-thirty. The only real exceptions were these, when Duo had to go on a 'scrap binge,' as he called it, or if Heero had to go out of town. The latter was always preceded and proceeded by very, very hot sex, since his trips out were usually to hunt someone down, and though they never said anything, both understood he may not be coming back.

With that in mind, he should have been happy to wait another few hours, his time filled with nothing but humdrum life instead of Duo's gut-wrenching fears – which always manifested in him paying Heero's body a great deal of attention upon his return – but instead he felt antsy, nervous. Duo never just let things go, and Wufei's hypothesis made sense. But he didn't want Duo accepting all the worry once again. There were to be no more burdens for him. If anything was to be carried, it would be by Heero. Or, he thought, knowing Duo would never accept such a thing, they could always carry everything together.

The elevator dinged and he stepped out into the hall. The door to their condo was just to the left, the only room, and he quickly unlocked the door. And stopped.

Relena stood just inside the door, hands folded before her.

Heero recoiled. Her hair was done up like it had been when they'd first met, and she worse a sleek, pastel-pink skirt with a shite shirt. "Heero," she said, and stopped.

"What are you doing here?"

His words were even harsher than he'd meant, his thoughts chasing themselves, wondering when Duo would be back, wondering how he would take this breach of contract, when Duo stepped out from the kitchen and smiled. "Hey, Heero. I invited her over."

His thoughts derailed.

"You what?"

Though Relena winced, Duo just smiled. "I invited her over. I'm also cooking, which may or may not end well."

He invited her over? "You..." But the thought got stuck in there, trapped amid other equally murky questions. "The scrapyard digging?"

"A lie. I needed to go get Relena and bring her back, and you've been coming home no later than four. There was no way I was pulling her out of her meetings before five."

Heero blinked and looked at his watch. He'd stayed late, just as Duo had told him to. It was half-past six. "You planned this?"

"Of course I did. When I get emotional, I get savvy. Unlike some people."

Heero didn't know if he should be upset with the whole thing, annoyed at the rejoinder, or amused at the word choice. Finally he managed to splutter out a, "when?"

"Over the last week." Duo returned to the kitchen, apparently done with the conversation despite the fact that Heero had yet to be able to fully engage his brain in the activity, and left both he and Relena alone in the foyer. He managed to get his coat hung up without looking at the closet or the hanger. "You're here," he said stupidly, focusing once more on Relena.

She nodded, but said nothing. She still stood before him, hands clasped, entire body straight, feet pointed forward. A lady, not a guest. She looked to Duo, then to Heero. Finally she dropped her gaze to the floor. "I'm sorry. I couldn't refuse him."

Well, shit. If Duo had been in one of his do-or-die moods, he certainly wouldn't have accepted no as an answer. He would have dragged her lifeless corpse back if he'd had to. "Fine." And he left her to speak to Duo. She thankfully didn't make to follow.

Duo was at the stove working on hamburger patties, one of the few things he could cook with any degree of success. He had all the ingredients out; the lettuce, already pulled into individual leaves, the tomatoes, already cut. And on the cutting board sat an onion, only half done and obviously abandoned – Duo must have had Relena taking care of it. Beside all that sat the cheese and ketchup and mustard, all in a pretty line for them to take piece by piece when the time came to eat. Beside all that sat a small pan of corn, already heating, and macaroni and cheese – a personal weakness of Heero's. "Duo."

"Do you want to argue now or wait until I'm done cooking? Careful; the former will most likely lead to a nasty dinner."

"Now."

Duo sighed. Heero distinctly heard that damn line again, about him being reckless when he was emotional. He didn't think it was called for in this situation. "You love Relena like a sister."

"Loved."

"Don't be a dick. Love." He picked up a plastic spoon and stirred the macaroni. "If you're going to stand there grouching, cut the onions." And he gestured to them vaguely with the spoon.

Heero snarled, but he was whipped, so he did as told.

"You love her. When all of it first happened, yes, I was worried you would choose her over me. And at the same time, that wasn't my concern at all."

Heero chopped viciously at the onion. Again with the riddles. Couldn't Duo's emotions ever make  _sense?_  "What does that even  _mean_?"

"It means, I was more worried about how learning of it would hurt you."

He chopped again and again, ignoring the burning in his eyes. "I know you kept the secret to protect me. Because I care.. _d_  for her, you kept your silence, even though it hurt you."

"I'm not a fainting maiden, Heero. You have people beyond me, people I don't associate with or even like."

"That's different."

"It's  _not_." Duo slammed the spoon down, startling Heero into stillness. Duo glared down at the food on the stove and took a deep breath. "Heero, I carried the secret willingly. So I don't like her. So what? We both like you. We both..." And here Duo sucked in a breath, because the man feared that word more than any other when it came from his lips, "we both love you. We spoke, and we can make that be enough. Hell, Relena practically threw herself on the floor when I came to speak with her. She explained why she did it, and I can't hold it against her for that."

"I can," Heero said, but his chest clenched, because damn it if he didn't want to.

"She wanted to protect you. Doing something like that behind your back, knowing you would hate her if she did it and doing it, anyway – I really can't, Heero. Because if I  _had_  been bad for you, or if I'd been someone who had been bad for you, I would  _want_  her to do that. Because I never want anything painful to ever happen to you."

Heero stopped cutting the onion and just stared. Duo went back to testing the burgers, his eyes fixed on the process before him. His lips were thin, his eyes squinted. Heero knew it wasn't from the steam. He'd never seen anyone so beautiful.

The corn started boiling, and he turned it and the burgers off, apparently happy enough with them. The macaroni was last, and he let them sit in the water for a moment as he turned his gaze to Heero. "That's why I brought her over tonight, Heero. Because, as much as I would happily never see her face again, this has been killing you."

"Your worry has been killing me," he said, lowering his voice because he knew damn well Relena could hear every word of their conversation.

Duo quirked a grin. "My worry has been worrying you, but it hasn't kept you up at night for years. It's because you cut it off with Relena."

"Because she betrayed you."

"Love is a form of betrayal, Heero."

And that just made no sense to him at all. "Love is love. If you love someone, you don't betray them."

"If you love someone, you will become the devil himself to keep them safe. Even if it means betraying them and making them hate you."

This was why Heero felt inadequate next to Duo. Because Duo understood emotions like love so intrinsically, he could understand such a concept without pause. While Heero saw it all in black and white, Duo understood the nuances of every shade of gray. And Heero knew Duo was right; if it meant being hated forever, he would make sure Duo was happy and healthy and alive. Nothing else mattered nearly so much.

And Duo saw the understanding on his face, and he smiled. That gorgeous, loving smile. "So she's staying for dinner tonight."

"You'll be at each other's throats," Heero said, his voice dropping to little more than a whisper.

"Oh, I know. And I have no intention of dealing with the woman again, so you'd better make up sometime tonight, or so help me I will blue ball you." He pointed his spoon threateningly before putting on the mitts and taking the pan of macaroni to the sink to drain.

"I love you," Heero said, crowding behind him until Duo gave up and dropped the pan in the sink. He reached out and grabbed that braid, dangling playfully behind that back. He kissed the end of it like one might the back of a woman's hand.

Duo leaned back, trusting Heero to take his weight. "I love you, too, you emotional clot."

Heero chuckled. It was Duo who turned around for the kiss.

Perhaps it wasn't the braid. Perhaps it was just the man.


End file.
